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I must warn you though you may not like all the answers but if it saves you from future disasters you are free to thank me later. Also, some answers may not be very conventional so please don’t view them with a judgmental attitude. Most of the problems church folks have is adopting an inflexible approach to relationship issues. Esther got into the palace through an unconventional means and so did Ruth in the bible. So send in your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com. You can also send a direct message to @aliciaobasi or @lafemmetotale on twitter. Blessings!
I’ve been dating this guy for almost two years now. He has a good job and is from a good family but whenever I try to tell him about coming home with me to see my parents he will find a very good excuse not to come. Meanwhile he has never taken me home to see his own family although he keeps talking about wanting me to meet his elder sister but he also keeps saying her schedule is too busy whenever I remind him. Both of us live in Lagos so I find it difficult to understand his excuses. I am 28 and I am beginning to think my guy has no plans for a future to our relationship. Should I keep asking to meet his family or should I just wait until he is ready because I am ready to settle down?
Hello Amaka, I can understand your frustrations but I have to be honest with you. It sounds like you have been hounding a commitment-phobic man into marrying you. I don’t know how old he is or if he is ready to settle down and I can understand your sense of urgency at 28. However, one thing you have to understand is that you don’t need to push a man who wants to marry you to take you home to meet his family. He should be motivated on his own to do so without your prodding. In fact the more you push him, the more likely you are to push him away.
So I’m going to give you 3 tips on how to subtly find out if he’s ready to settle down.
#1: Ambush him!Do you live with your parents? If you don’t then do this. Call him to come and meet you somewhere. You can tell him you’re in distress or anything to make him rush down to your family house. Watch his reaction to know if he’s uncomfortable being there. Moreover, an extra pair of eyes can probably tell if he’s hiding something.
#2: Make yourself scarce. Stop calling, texting or whatsapping him. When he calls to ask tell him you have been busy. If he’s serious about you he’ll take a cue and start making more effort. That’s when you adopt this next action.
#3: Start giving the impression that you are considering other guys. Just start spending more time chatting with other guys and watch his reaction. You can even tell him about a date you have with another guy or that your mother is arranging for you to marry someone else. If he’s not ready to settle down he will be indifferent but if he is then trust me he will start making more efforts to show his commitment to your future.
Warning! Just be ready to move on in case he’s actually not ready to settle down with you. It is better to date for 2 years and be heartbroken than to date for 7 years and still have your heart broken.
Wish you all the best in your relationship…. Femmetotale