Ask Femmetotale – Torn Between Two Suitors

I am in a relationship with two guys and they are both talking about settling down with me. One works in an oil servicing company in Port Harcourt while the other one works in a Federal parastatal in Abuja. I live in Lagos and I am ready to relocate to live with any of them. My mother likes the one in Abuja more but I think I prefer the one in Port Harcourt because he is calm, dresses well and earns more. The one in Abuja is very lively (I think that is why my mother prefers him) and he goes to church more than the one in Port Harcourt. Which one should I choose?



Sweetheart, your case is not peculiar to you as many women have gone through this stage too even likely your mother. Your issue is simple. What are the most important qualities you desire in a man? This is where you have to pick up a pen and paper or maybe your laptop and write each man’s name. Create two columns. Under each column state what you like about him and what you dislike. Find out which column is heavier and voila your answer is ready. I must point out though that you never mentioned if any of your suitors is really godly or if he’s just a church goer. It is very important that you marry a man who is submitted to God because when the chips are down and you start submitting to him it is only his submission to God that will keep him from abusing his position. Also you are the one to choose and not your mother. While she may have a very good opinion on which one is better for you given her experience the choice is totally yours because she won’t be the one to live with the man for the rest of your life.

May God guide your choice.




Every relationship has its own issues. Some are easier when shared and how much easier to share with people who can identify with you and get godly advice. Share your relationship issues with Femmetotale and let’s tackle it the godly way.

I must warn you though you may not like all the answers but if it saves you from future disasters you are free to thank me later. Also, some answers may not be very conventional so please don’t view them with a judgmental attitude. Most of the problems church folks have is adopting an inflexible approach to relationship issues. Esther got into the palace through an unconventional means and so did Ruth in the bible. So send in your questions to or You can also send a direct message to @aliciaobasi or @lafemmetotale on twitter. Blessings!

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