Every married couple will tell you that they have had their own fair share of quarrels within the period of their marriage. Some start quarreling from the moment they say their vows and never recover from it. To have a great marriage you must know how to effectively quarrel with your spouse without letting things get out of hand.
On a normal day, two individuals from different backgrounds coexisting in the same space are bound to quarrel how much more a couple who have to live together, share personal stuff, and see each other all the time? If done rightly, disagreements can bring a couple closer or it could break a marriage forever. Your approach in handling conflicts matters a lot and it’s best you study your partner to know how he or she reacts to conflicts with you. For instance, a patient man might react by walking away and staying out till his anger dissipates, a less patient one might react immediately spewing abuses on you, an even worse one might use his fists to express his anger. The end result is never a pleasant experience.
Here are seven tips on how to quarrel effectively without breaking up.
A gentle answer turns away wrath.
A friend of mine once told me her grandmother gave her a pebble on her wedding day. Perplexed, she asked her what it was for. The old woman told her it was to make her marriage last seeing as she was a hot tempered girl who never lost time in expressing her mind. Her grandma said she was to put the pebble in her mouth every time she got angry and was tempted to say her mind. It worked for her. She was able to regulate her anger with that pebble. So anytime she had an argument with her husband she would put the pebble on her tongue and keep her mouth shut. When both of you shout at the same time there can never be a peaceful solution to the conflict unless one of you calms down. Who better than you the lady whom God has given a nurturing spirit naturally?
Understand your differences
Your spouse will always be very different from you. For one, men and women are different no to mention the difference in temperaments and character. A quiet man will react differently from a hot tempered man. A logical minded man will also react different from an impulsive one. Background and tradition also counts. A man from a very traditional family will react different from one who comes from a liberal background where women are allowed to speak their minds. When you understand the kind of man you’re married to it will go a long way in helping you know how to react in conflict. For instance a man with a traditional mindset believes a woman should not express her mind while he’s talking. Best strategy is to keep quiet (maybe apply the pebble principle) and talk to him when he’s calm especially if he’s logically minded. Express your reasons logically and find solutions to your issue. A quiet man might listen to you patiently while you rant and rave. That’s fine as long as he’s not the type that harbors illwill in his mind and pretends while you are together. The important thing is to make sure you don’t throw your respect for him to the wind while you are venting your emotions.
Choose your words wisely –
Harsh and cruel words may never be forgiven or forgotten after they are uttered. This is why you must choose your words wisely in conflicts. Instead of saying something like”This is just typical of you! I knew you would do something as foolish as that!” You could say “Sweetie maybe you shouldn’t have done it that way but I’m sure we can find a way to remedy the situation.”
Forgive in advance
If you really want your marriage to work then you must learn to forgive in advance. This means that instead of harbouring a grudge or thoughts of revenge, simply forgive and move on. Keep a trailer load of forgiveness in your warehouse and make sure you never run out of the ability to forgive.u
Always be willing to say the Golden word –
It doesn’t matter who is right or wrong just learn to use the golden word and you will find that you can make your home peaceful and lovely. I am sorry can never be irrelevant. Some men are to arrogant and egoistic to apologize even if they realize they were wrong. No problem…say you’re sorry anyway and leave him to his conscience. You may be right, you might find you are the only one who apologizes after a quarrel, you might even feel like your feelings don’t matter to your spouse but apologize anyway. It makes you the bigger person and keeps the peace.
Please never take your conflict to Social Media
I don’t know if this tip can ever be overemphasized. Why wash your dirty lines with your husband in public…haba? You see, the Internet never forgets. Human beings are so petty that for some the highlights of their day is when they read about your wahala with your husband so why feed their bloodthirsty? Resolve your issues in private. Seek guidance from more mature couples but whatever you do keep it away from social media. You write a little stuff about your quarrel with your hubby on Instagram, one blogger picks it up, several other bloggers also pick it up and before you know it the public is dissecting and tearing your marriage up. Be wise!
You can never overdose on prayer. Pray about conflicts even in the midst of the conflict. Ask God to show you the best strategy to handle each conflict. He will guide and direct you on the best approach to effectively reach your spouse.
The tips are inexhaustible. Do you have some other strategy to add? Please do so in the comment section.
Dare to be a complete woman